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Saturday 12-Nov-2016
【信報:升學專家有話兒】有種錯叫無犯錯

小弟尚未成家,不過在升學中心,常見到緊張大師的家長,他們不是怪獸家長,愛兒女之心可昭日月,只是對子女的前途非常著緊,覺得學業路上一步也不能錯,否則會有滿盤皆落索的恐怖下場。 

前史丹福大學一年級生的校監Julie Lythcott-Haims發表了一次名為〈如何在沒有過度呵護下栽培成功子女〉的演講,我覺得擊中許多時下家長的要害。她指出,家長牛咁眼盯著子女成長的每一步,步步為兒女鋪路,路路為他們設保護網,營造的是一個checklist童年。這些孩子的成長,便是把父母為他們訂下checklist上的每一項完成:入對的學校、揀對的科、考對的分數、參加對的活動、交對的朋友……這就是走了對的路,這才謂之成功。Lythcott-Haims認為,這樣的童年不但沒有玩樂探索的空間,家長每件事都捉著孩子的手去做,這種過度協助,過度保護兼過度督導,只會剝削下一代建立自信自足的機會,沒有相信自己的能力。

 

自己作反自己受

Lythcott-Haims講得好,自足是建立在明白自己行為所帶來的後果,即是「食得鹹魚便要抵得渴」。偏偏許多家長一早為孩子戴晒重型頭盔,放在溫室裏呵護,變相子女便沒有從錯誤中學習的經驗,他們的自足能力便不能健康地建立起來。

 

因此,個人經驗令我覺得寄宿學校真是人生很好的鍛煉,那裏沒有父母24小時密不透風地保護你,卻又有一個安全兼有秩序的環境,容許你犯錯,並學習承受犯錯的結果。小弟兒時頑劣,試過在宿舍偷偷飲酒,東窗事發後被罰掃樹葉三日,「自己作反自己受」的教訓刻骨銘心,從此學會想行差踏錯前先三思,漸漸也信任自己判斷是非的能力。這一課我是畢生受用的,也深深體會,假如我年少時只走對的路,沒犯過錯,如此一個重要的學習機會便會錯過。

 

smschan1@gmail.com

www.facebook.com/ukchitchat

圖片:st-richards.org.uk 

原文刊載於信報《銘想英國》專欄:

http://www1.hkej.com/dailynews/culture/article/1431530

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Samuel Chan, the winner of Alumni Awards 2017, is the founder of Britannia. He had studied in the UK since the age of 9 for 15 years and achieved his master degree in International Political Economy at University of Warwick. Now he shares his experiences and professional advice in education columns in Hong Kong’s major newspapers.

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